"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. " ~Gilda Radner
Now that the hustle and bustle of the holidays are over, I'm taking a moment to remember...
Mother's Day 2005. The day I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Due date: January 13, 2006.
January 10, 2006. The day I delivered our first child...stillborn.
The Christmas season of 2005 holds alot of memories for that pregnancy. Although, we hadn't moved into our Seaborn home, we were getting close. The hardwood floors had been refinished and the basement family room had been carpeted. When Hubby wasn't working at his full-time job, he was working on our dream home. He gave the lower-level bath a makeover until the main bath was finished and painted the two main bedrooms.
One of my favorite memories of that holiday season occured on the Eve of Christmas 2005, when Hubby came home after working afternoon shift. He insisted that I go with him, just as I was. He wanted to give me my Christmas gift. So dressed in my long nightgown and wool slippers, we headed to Seaborn so he could assemble the baby's crib.
I'll never forget that Christmas and how exciting it was. What better gift is there than the gift of life? Wanting to fully engage in the joy and experience of expecting, we opted NOT to find out the sex of our unborn child. I wanted a girl and Hubby wanted a boy. Prepared for either, our girl name was Morgan Rose and our boy name was Owen Allan. Who would be right?
Only time would tell. Until then Hubby and I continued to share our hopes and dreams for our baby. Buying Seaborn was only the beginning...
You see that sidewalk out front, I envisioned myself teaching our little one how to ride the retro red tricycle on that very sidewalk. While Hubby wanted to pull him or her, a whoooole block and a half down our Maple-lined street, to the county fair in a little red wagon. Both the radio flyer tricycle and red wagon were my gifts to our unborn child.
Those were just some of our dreams for our baby. It did not include our hopes of taking him or her to Disney World for the first time and watching their little eyes light up in awe of Magic Kingdom. Or perhaps the sweetest and most simplest of hopes...gently rocking our baby to sleep, touching their soft skin or smelling their sweet baby scent.
A few weeks after we buried our baby, I found a song called My Name by George Canyon. Written from the perspective of an unborn child who dies and goes to heaven, it was perfect! I couldn't have written something more befitting of my experience. This song was just what I needed to hear..that my baby felt loved!
Our baby's name was Morgan Rose.
Thankful on a Tuesday at Chatting at the Sky